Monday, July 11, 2005

Killer stunt secrets revealed !!

Check back on Saturday...

Monday, July 04, 2005

This day, that age

1993, some day.

I still remember the time when we moved into the new house next to the stream flowing alongside the road. Those were days of fun. It was a 3- minute walk from my old house, it was a quiet locality. There were no street lights on the road back then. It was fun to walk in the roads during night (with my parents of course who were shit scared of being nabbed by thieves during the 3 minute walk). I enjoyed the walks though because I was young and ignorant. It gave a sort of edge to life. There were also rabid dogs fighting among themselves somewhere in the corner of the street. Situations grew even more tense during new moon. Those were how the nights were.

During vacations at day time, I still remember watching those beautiful movies on DD starring T.Rajendhar in them. I mention him specifically to give him credit here. Some memories remain fresh from his movies unbelievably. For example there was one movie in which he was tied with chains to two trees by the bad guys. Then the villains took a saw, cut a tree trunk. I watched in wonderment and growing horror as to what was going to happen next. The bad guys then barely able to caryy the trunk hit our hero on the head with it. The trunk broke into 2 pieces. Then Mr. Rajendhar also tore apart the chains making the trees to which they were attached bend slightly. I was mesmerized. The villains in this movie were smart though. They ran away instantly. Then our hero delivered a really moving speech in poetry format to the super villain who cried like a baby after hearing it. Some of his rhymes I recollect (he made a few in English too...the ones that follow)

" The father will teach with the bible.
The gunman will shoot with the rifle."

" What they teach you in school is history,
what you don't know is mystery."

I was stupefied by this man's skills and creativity. A sad thing about him was that he never realized that an element of humour was inherent in all his movies, whereby he never utilized it to his full advantage.

200x, some day.

Gone are the days of yore. My new house is no longer new. The stream is no longer a stream, never was it a stream anyway. There are too many street lights on the street. There is traffic all the time on the road. The moon doesn't matter any more as it is hardly noticed. Worse, the dog catchers caught all the rabid dogs and the few that were remaining were sent to the blue cross. The police keep frequenting the night, so there are no thieves either. There is no more an edge to life.

What affected me the most was that T.Rajendhar stopped acting. Still worse, his son took his place. (Yeah, to think he could just take it like that!). What I noticed was that his son's movies were lacking everything that his movies had. Not that he had anything to counter-balance anyway. For example, in Dum, Simbhu (the son) can't stand up to one police officer (the father of his love). His father would have in his place crushed him to pulp! Also Simbhu uses blades, chainsaws, pistols etc for fighting villains. His father was adept at fighting villains with his bare hands! There is no humour either in Simbhu's movies. What he calls 'funny' appeals only to that class of women that carry umbrellas during any kind of weather. He has no poetic sense too. More importantly of all, T.Rajendhar's movies taught everyone the importance of family values as was inherent in his poems/rhymes. Shockingly his very own son evades them. People may argue that times have changed, we have to adapt. And that is exactly my point. The past is always better than the present.
Old is gold.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Losing it...

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

The tag thing

I was tagged by JD (http://deepakajd.blogspot.com). If you want to know what the tag thing is, you have to answer some personal questions truthfully. They're as follows. This is going to be a really boring thing for people who know or don't know me. So don't read it and come and tell me it's boring and be a dumbass.

How do all people refer to you?
Friends - SK, Home - Hari, Some like JD give me respect by calling me 'Sir Krishna'. Professionally people call me Srikrishna. It is subject to gross mispronounciations by certain non-Indians who genuinely cannot pronounce it and some accented dumbasses who can actually pronounce it but won't.

What are your screen names?
Sk.

What are the physical things you like about yourself?
Everything.

What are the physical things you don't like about yourself?
Nothing.

How has your heritage influenced you?
A bit.

What are the things that scare you?
Anticipation.

What are your everyday essentials?
Food, sleep, computer with internet connection.

Name 3 things you are wearing right now.
Shirt, Pants, underwear. In case you actually read this and you are wondering why I'm not wearing vests, its only because its too hot.

What are the things you are looking for in a relationship?
An ideal woman who is beautiful and smart at the same time, plus one who has respect for people (unlike the ones who don't have respect for people (yeah, you know the 5 letter word))

Two truths and a lie in no particular order.
1) I rule.
2) You suck.
3) Aishwarya Rai doesn't look good.
Clue: They are in the correct order.

Things in the opposite sex that appeal to you.
The obvious things.

What are the things you want to badly do right now?
1) Pee
2) Watch a Captain movie I guess.
3) Make fun of little kids carrying their bags and going to school.

Name 3 kid names you like.
Gajendra, Vallarasu, Prabhakaran.

What are the 3 places you like to go on vacation?
Abhu Ghraib, Ghetto, Amytiville.

What are the 3 things you'd like to do before you died?
Make fun of Bush in public, Buy a ship, Act in a Rajini movie.

Who else do you want to tag to make them take the quiz now?
1) Akilesh (http://hselika.blogspot.com) because he's been blogging lately.
2) Psycho (http://prashantsarkar.blogspot.com) if he sees this.
3) Myself again, so that I would have tagged myself and thus posted infinitely.

In case you want to find the idiot who started the tagging thing, keep cycling through the names backwards from my post. Each person would have indicated who tagged him thus dragging him into this horrendous loop.


Monday, June 13, 2005

Lets make it to the Oscars this time!

When a nosy reporter asked Nandita Das what she thought about Indian cinema not bagging any Oscar nominations, when she was invited to the Cannes film festival, she simply said " The stories are too stereotype." True, yet that is an understatement. I bet she just wanted to blurt out the blatant truth, "Most of the Indian movies suck. They lack reason and logic."

Many people have written on this, though there seems to be no apparent change in the pattern of Indian cinema. I would like to be a part of this silent revolution too. I have decomposed a typical movie into bits and pieces and presented them as they are with little exaggeration in order of importance of the bits (Most important to least). The following description is of tamil movies in general, though bollywood movies are almost similar, except that they are taken in the city mostly.

SONGS:
Every Indian movie starts with one of these. Let me just give one example - of a village setting. The hero (usually Captain/ Sharath Kumar/ or a newbie who blend well with village settings) alights from a town bus. Usually when you just catch him getting down from the bus, you need to know no further about why or where he comes from. He was sent by his poor parents to the 'city' to study engineering in a certain 'Kuppuswamy college of engineering'. However, the hunk of a man that he is, has a ship load of feelings for his parents. So he returns to the village every now and then to see how they are doing.
Just when he gets off the bus, his parents are waiting at the bus stop beaming with delight. Then some unknown character suddenly shouts out "Ellarum odiyanga! Chinna mappilai vandhutaru!" ("Everyone come running. Our man is here.") Before you know it the music starts kicking in and the hero starts the song with some arbitrary phrase that triggers some kind of a chain reaction in the village. Then the whole village is there and they start to jump about employing certain dance moves. The hero who was wearing regular clothing when he alighted from the bus is now in exotic clothes. Then some random people in the village who don't know each other or the hero start dancing in synchronisation with the music/hero, but they are never as good as the hero. In the midst of the song, suddenly the background changes. One moment they are dancing in the village and the next moment they are in the Alps! (Thank you camera effects and computers!) Meanwhile the cast also are in their new costumes. It is also sometimes customary for the hero to morph into a lion or a tiger during the song and then morph back. And yeah, there are a couple of obese women dancing there too. It is especially interesting to watch how they balance their centres of gravity on screen while performing miraculous acrobatics.

FIGHT SCENE:
Villains include terrorists, an evil politician or his spoilt brat of a son who misbehaves with women for fun, a drug lord, or the guy who killed the hero's parents when he was young and separated him from his twin brother after birth but let them keep half a bracelet each with their names inscribed on it.
Fuels for the fire include: Hero's naive parents being abducted by the villains, villain talking ill of the country, hero's sister getting tied to a train track but the hero being unable to rescue her from the gory incident that would follow or a blind boy who happens to capture the hero's interest, but the villain, for fun drives his car over the innocent kid.
Fight scenes include: Hero fighting 20 of the villain's goonies at one time, hero removing his overcoat and throwing away his 9mm pistol before the fight just because he is that tough. Then of course there are the more regular stunts - flying 50 feet through the air, defying gravity, non-chalant gun-shot wounds in the chest, stomach and head, catching bullets with teeth etc. If Christopher Reeves ever saw these scenes he would probably wallow in shame.

THE 'MATRIX' FIGHT SEQUENCE:
You are probably wondering what this is doing here. However it is an integral part of every successful tamil film. When the hero is usually 10 minutes into the fight, he suddenly remembers Keeanu Reeves for no apparent reason and goes into bullet time. Then of course he dodges the 6 bullets of the typical police pistol. Only that the last bullet does not graze his shoulder because he is better than 'The One'. Do not admonish our heros for copying this scene. They are just doing additional marketing for the Wachowsky brothers. How loyal! Sons of the soil indeed!

THE POLICE:
They are the guys in khakhi clothes. Their features include the following-
They arrive only during the climax.
They fire a few rounds at the chandelier hanging in the palatial house of the villain to prevent the hero from battering the villain to death.
They always arrive in big groups.
They are always ready with handcuffs.
They thank the hero profusely for his help and sometimes the fat police officer caresses the hero's little daughter thereby portraying his human side.

HEROINE:

She is actually very important in the movie as a character, but judging by story lines I put her in the end. Nowadays a lot of new young women are being thrust into the movie. In case you don't know which one is the heroine, shes the one that wears revealing clothes in the beginning (or dances in rain for one song) but surprises everyone by wearing a saree (or some other traditional Indian attire) thus portraying the sanctity of Indian women.

PLOT:
This is the least important in the movie. Throw together the bits described above in any order and you get a finished product.

REASON AND LOGIC:
None shown to exist so far.

Peace.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Who wants to be the next US president?

Rather a rhetoric question. Who wouldn't want to be? Man, if I became one, I would do absolutely nothing, just laze around in the White House, while the country attains its state of equilibrium after having recuperated from the damage inflicted on it by Bush. Think of it, I would rather do nothing than worsen it's situation. It's bad enough that these people have got 4 more years to deal with Bush. Well, there's something more 'hilarious' if you are one of those optimistic nerds. Guess who wants to be the next president? (Okay, this one isn't rhetoric, jokes apart.)
Jennifer Lopez, the pop star who has also become a major hit in Hollywood wants to make her next move! That's right, she's targeting the White House and Bush. In an interview with a German magazine, she's quoted as saying so. What, you think she's not good enough?? Even I thought so until I read a few lines of what she told the magazine-

1) "I'm a total powerhouse! Becoming the 1st female US president would be really cool!"

Yeah right, if you meant a total powerhouse in bed, I would have totally agreed with you. Also what's this about being cool again? I'm sure when George Washington, Abraham Lincoln got elected they were thinking, "Man, I rule! I'm so damn cool becoming the president of USA!". What's that? You wanna be cool too? Why not become a president?

2) " [After becoming the president] The first thing I would do is redecorate the White House. It doesn't look very cozy."

Wow, I'm sure the citizens are going to heap praise on her for her first presidential stance while the democrats (assuming she joins the democrats ) are pulling their hair out of their heads and Bush is thinking "Damn, she's so smart..." after being ousted . I mean, forget the planes crashing into buildings that's barely going into the news, the finances, the stock market and millions of other things the past presidents thought were important, but they missed out the one most obvious thing - redecorating the white house. I'm sure if all of them were alive, they would have said, "Man, why didn't I think of it before?".

3) "I'm ready to wrestle Bush out of the White House."

Self-explanatory.

I also researched a bit on her qualifications just to check if she's eligible for the post and it turns out that I'm right-
- Number of people killed = 0 (Excluding those that listened to her albums and aside from the fact that she was arrested with an ex-boy friend in an incident of nightclub shooting and later let go).
- Not from Texas.
- Said this - "Men are really disgusting if they don't have a nice smile, nice lips..."
- Education - ("I studied in an all-girls high school in college.") What more do you want?
- Voted as #1 'Sexy woman' in FHM's 100 sexiest women.
- Chosen by 'People' magazine as one of the 50 most beautiful people in the world.

This only reminds me of the time when Bill Gates once met Britney Spears in an exhibition. The conversation went something like this-

Gates (walks up to Britney and says) - "Hi, I'm Bill Gates. I liked your latest album."

Britney (giggles) - "Oh, hi. Thanks. I get a lot of praise from fans. So what do you do Mr.Gates?"

Bill Gates (out of words) - "....er....I'm into computers."

Well after so much of extensive research I take back my words of becoming the president of the US. Apparently I'm not qualified enough and I ought to give celebrities and pop stars the chance to show how it's done.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Site statistics

I feel it is my obligation to put up the site statistics after writing articles for an imaginary audience plus for the following percentage of people who have been faithful enough to visit my blog. So here it is-

% of people who have visited this site: 0.0000000602864 (or 6.02864E-8)

% of people who have not visited this site: 99.99999..something (like you or I care)

(The site statistics have been taken assuming the population of the world to be 6.635 billion. Please note that I cannot be held responsible for any changes in the above values due to rapidly increasing population value.)

The fun part is you'll never find this blog through any search engine.

I thought I'd put up a graph to make it look sexy and stuff, but screw you. (I did make a graph actually...as a function of time, but then there were only 1 or 2 lines shooting up on a very long time axis which were barely visible. So I took it off.)

Have fun losers...